The past couple of years I've been surrounded by people, who would dramatize on almost all subject. I don't know if that is just a part of growing up, but it's not only annoying, but... actually it's not annoying at all. It's just something that fasinates me in a way. Why do we need drama? Is it worth screaming and acting all freaked out, or being completely introverted and thinking about your own problems ONLY?

Today I read a story in a magazine about a boy who studied at my school 6 years ago. It was all about how when they were kids they used to make fun of most people at the high school and how they wouldn't stop being total nerds, but then again when they met after all those years, the "nerds and losers" had a career, a personal life... And what did they have? Drugs, alcohol, and sex. No feelings. And it's not like the boy was trying to change anything by telling the story and then be all like oh now my eyes are opened. He was just showing what life can turn you into. And not only him. A main character in the real life story was a girl, who used to sleep with every boy, and at the end it turned out that everybody used her so she wants to start earning money of that usage. And in all means that meant she was planning to become a porn star. And another thing is that the boy himself didn't see her as anything more than a sex toy.

After I read it I thought for a second. I asked my friend "What if that thing happens to us?" but she got the question as what if we become alcoholized nimfomatic druggies. What I meant though was what if we don't have a meaning in our lives. It's not like it can happen only to them. What if I don't find anything that makes me happy? What if nobody ever understands me? And by this question I'm going back to the previous theme. We need drama. Yeah, probably nobody would ever understand me, deal with it. (It's enough that I have myself.) What if I'm just another regular person? I want to find a way to just stand out. I want to find a way to make a difference not only in the eyes of my parents, or friends, or anyone. I want to feel significant. What if I end up at the same place as the boy in the story, or the girl? Too many questions, without being able to answer any.
I just went offline in every possible place. This mood of not communicating with people has been striking me for several weeks now. Is it because of my dramas? Or is it because people depress me? A little from both, though both are majorly connected.










P.S: 1.I just felt I needed to write. 2.Excuse my poor English, it was just a sudden informal... something? 3.I spent more time chosing a mood icon, than writing the... something?
And I couldn't chose, so it's either shitty, hopeless, or stuck.

<L.


EDIT: But seriously.. People nowadays satisfy with waaaaaay smaller things. Lower expectations, I guess?
EDIT 2: What's wrong with me.
EDIT 3: Just for the sake of it: